Shock and awe

There's a person in my life, whom I love very much, who consistently forces me to learn lessons I feel like I'm not ready for. She's one of those people that, totally unknowingly, grabs you by the wrist and says, "HERE. Deal with THIS."

She's come at me full force this time....and though it's not a situation I can divulge here, suffice it to say that I'll be retreating into my own deep recesses to come up with some new truth I hadn't yet realized about myself.

What I can talk about is my feelings - I feel torn. I started out numb but I'm moving to angry, resentful, and sad. I also feel intrigued and condescendingly amazed at this person's audacity.

I'm in a situation where my old, limited understanding of this relationship's dynamic are bumping up against my new, uncomfortable realizations. In the last couple of years, my experience with this person has changed the way I see her and the way I want (and don't want) to relate to her.

The good news is that I’m taking steps to take care of myself during a rough time. And I’m not giving my power away. It’s going to take some self-discipline, but I won’t respond to the carrot that she is dangling over my head. I will be gracious, loving, and firm.

My sponsor said two things recently that I’m holding quite close right now:

When you stop pleasing people, people aren’t pleased.

Make your boundary, then DUCK.

There’s a part of me that wishes things could be different – that wishes I could deal with this situation differently. The fact of the matter is, however, that reality is reality, even if others don’t choose to see it. And today, I choose to live in the reality that presents itself and make the best decisions I can with the information I have at the time.